Jayden Michael

The look says it all, this is my mischevious little boy who will be 8 this December. Jayden's life has a deeper meaning to me than any of my children. It's personal but I'll share because it's something to learn from. When I found out I was pregnant again their Father and I were no longer together, long story that shall stay in the past. I was so unsure of what to do and what direction my life was going to go I wasn't sure if I would go through with the pregnancy.

I told no one, I kept it to myself thinking it would go away or work itself out. I was in a bad state but one night I was living at home, 5 months pregnant and my gauldbladder burst. I crawled to my parents room and my Father rushed me to the hospital. On the way there I told him I had something to tell him and before I knew it I blurted it out. He was silent and said we'll talk about it later. I can remember being sedated for the pain and the doctor did an ultrasound. My Dad was the first one to see Jayden and to be told I was due that December.

My family took a day or two to process the situation and we did what we always do, we move forward. I knew that times were about to get challenging but that I had the best support system in the world. I remember that this pregnancy was so easy and relaxing because I made sure of it. When I found out it was a boy I was stumped on a name and the only thing I knew was it had to start with a J. I was at work and me and my two friends, Jill and Keyia, were looking up all the names that begin with a J. Keyia said Jayden and it was like a light bulb, that was it Jayden Michael, after my uncle.

When Jayden was born I he was a laid back happy baby who looked just like me. No one believed how much he resembled me. I swore God did that to spite his Father, I know that's no something God would do but it made me laugh. He kept me busy and still does as he is full of energy and emotions. He is a loving, sensitive, rough and tumble little boy who is afraid of nothing, well most of the time.

As he get's older I watch him try to be like his brother and then fight with his brother, there isn't a dull day in my house. Jayden was my special gift that showed me my strength and courage to do something I wasn't sure I could do.

James Anthony

I can remember the first time I felt you move in my belly... It was like God placed a butterfly in my stomach and it was trying to find it's way out. From that moment I knew that my life would never be the same. The planning started instantly and then when I found out you were a boy your name was easy. James, after my brother and Dad, two men that mean the world to me. I knew you would do the name proud.

The day you were born, I never knew that there exsisted a love so strong and true. You were everything I had imagined. Perfect! You looked like an angel when they brought you back from the nursery. From that moment you and I were inseperable. You were my world. When you got sick when you were 2 months old, I felt like my world was being torn apart. No one would listen to me and assumed I was just being an overprotected first time Mom. But my heart told me to keep pushing and finally someone listened. That night they admitted you into the hospital I was a mess. I was scared but I knew you had a guardian angel on your side that would see you through the surgery. And I was right! I wouldn't and couldn't leave your side.

Now you will be turning 11 in 3 months and going to middle school this fall. You are the most loving and funny young boy. You have been the strength I needed when times were tough, you were the reason I pushed myself to do good things and to work hard. It was you that showed me that I was a strong woman. I don't think I would be who I am today if it wasn't for you. You were and will always be my special gift.

I see great things for you in the future and I will be your biggest supported. You're own cheering squad! No matter what you choose to do in life, always do what makes you happy and know that no matter what I will always love and support you.

~ Trials and Tribulations ~

No one is perfect, we all have to start at the bottom and work our way to the top. It doesn't matter if it's at home, at school, at work, in a relationship, even at being a parent. You make mistakes and you learn from them, well at least you should learn from them :)

You will never learn anything in life if you were to always succeed. It's the mistakes we make that teach us more than we even know. So it's ok to mess up, it's ok to make a bad choice, as long as you take something from it and work towards not doing the same thing again.

~ I Do ~

Love..... Isn't it grand.... Ok well we all know it's never an easy emotion because it's ever changing. We all remember the first time we said those powerful 3 words, 'I Love You'... I know I do but it wasn't until I met my husband that I honestly knew what it meant... Of course you love you parents and family and in my case my children but the love you receive from a partner, a lover, a significant other, is on a whole other level.... It's hard to explain but it's like it hurts to love them but the thought of loving someone else hurts even more...

It's funny how many 'flavors' love comes in... I know that all the other times I thought I was in love, which was only a time or two, I truly wasn't. I know now that even when times are hard, I still love him... I know now that when we are not seeing eye to eye, I love him... I know now that even when he does the most irritating things, I love him and can see past that... I know that without him I would be miserable even during those times I feel miserable with him (inside joke)...

Today, April 19th, we celebrated our 2nd Anniversary as Husband and Wife... Throughout the day I replay our wedding over in my mind and hold tight to that feeling I got when the church doors opened and I saw him standing at the altar. A feeling of love, one that I know I will never feel again and one that I couldn't imagine feeling with another....

Happy Anniversay My Love... Here's to many more years filled with all the ups and downs God can throw our way :)

Mommy's Not Fat....

she's fluffy like a marshmallow, those were words straight from the mouth of my 7 year old son, Jayden. What a laugh we all had. You never think that complaining about our weight or appearance would 'really' have an impact on our children but obviously it does. He was so upset that I called myself fat and even more upset that his older brother James agreed. Even although it was light at heart and no one's feelings were hurt he was upset nonetheless.

Lesson learned: if you have nothing positive to say, say nothing at all.

Until next time...